Trust = Connection

By Cynthia Barlow

January 11, 2015 1 Comment

Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks. ~Isaac Watts

I’ve witnessed a lot of people at difficult times in their lives. It’s what I do. And I have come to the clear conclusion that people yearn for  one thing only: Love (defined as connection, acceptance, and appreciation). Period.

People may have different ways of measuring it, but, as psychologist and author James Hillman said, all human beings need to feel appreciated; it is the greatest human need.

The problem is, few of us have a clue as to what love really is, or how to connect, or what genuine acceptance or appreciation even looks or feels like.

Most people had their trust meters wacked out of shape somewhere along the line growing up. Often, they end up making poor choices, and blaming someone else for the results.

Trust is at the heart of love. Vulnerability is at the heart of trust. (Brene Brown’s research on this topic has circled the globe.) It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you want to connect to others, be accepted and appreciated, then vulnerability—trusting enough to open up and be our true selves—is a necessity.

But we’re scared to death that if we did that, others would go, “Um, too ugly. Bye, bye.”

They don’t. I have the data. I’ve led too many workshops and retreats to count and in my entire life, I’ve never witnessed another human being turn away from, dismiss, or belittle someone who honestly shares their insides at an appropriate moment in an appropriate setting. In fact, it is often that moment which creates the bridge of connection.

Being willing to be seen for whom you really are is at the center of those who end up leaving legacies that inspire others, that encourage authentic interaction and sincere conversations. It’s also the birthplace of appreciation, which is good for business.

Being vulnerable is not weak. It is the most courageous thing you can do.

And when you do, you will find appreciation, connection and acceptance.

Inside yourself.

It’s the only journey that really counts.

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. ~Golda Meir

One Response to 'Trust = Connection'

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  1. I’ve been back here three times because I have a thought careening around my head and can’t seem to articulate it. Not being able to get the words out is a bit odd for me.

    It’s something about knowing where the path is (vulnerability) and not being able to stay on it (not trusting). It’s like a movie I play over and over in my head as if I know the outcome, yet when I trust and take a chance by putting my foot back on the vulnerability path, the outcome is seldom like the movie. The result is often better than movie and is often surprising. The movie itself is a recreation of some distant past event.

    Huh. Perhaps that inept attempt in itself is a trait of vulnerability. I’m still not sure I’m getting the thought out succinctly.

    Perhaps you can articulate this one a bit better than I, Cindy.

    Ed Dening

    11 Jan 15 at 8:45 PM

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